17 Apr

How to trust again – even when you’ve fallen

Life coaching and trusting again

Life Coaching for me begins with the establishment of trust. Working through issues seems to flow and be much more natural. Not all Life Coaching conversations start out with trust. Once trust is lost in a person’s life, that apprehension to trust again is carried into new relationships. So why is trust so important in relationships?

TRUST FALL – the ageless game of falling backwards unto and into the arms of a group of people that you may know or you may not know. It’s a common icebreaker at events,a simple game to test not only your trust for others but their trust towards you. As I’m sure you’ve figured out,if you’ve been alive more than fifteen minutes, it’s a little more complicated than that. I’d love to be able to do a proverbial trust fall in every tough situation or at the crossroads of every significant life choice to see if others catch me but to be honest I’m not there yet. There is definitely a group of people I would trust to do that with, but I wouldn’t just step into a room of strangers and say “HEY CATCH ME – I’M FALLING BACKWARDS – READY ONE TWO THREE…”

Trust is such a huge word that I cant seem to give it enough significance in this little blog. What I’m trying to say is I can’t define it in terms that emphasize its importance in my daily life.

I recently spent about a week being my own life coach and I began to go over and define my personal values in ten key areas of life that are most important to me. I found that any category involving people, TRUST or mutual trust was my key value. In other words in order for me to function in or have a meaningful and fulfilling relationship with someone else I need trust. First and foremost. Period. Simply stated I need to trust the individual and I need to feel trusted. Not just one sided trust but mutual trust, a genuine common trust that isn’t looking over its shoulder looking for shadows or doubt. It doesn’t speculate or think the worst or assume or jump to conclusions. Mutual trust doesn’t even think partially bad. In every area from my marriage and children, to my extended family, and even further reaching into my work and social activities, trust was the common thread that tied together all my values.

This was a significant discovery about life for me and I realize why I do some of the things I do and why I react and act a certain way in given situations or emotions or even towards people. Its directly tied to my values in that area. Even an undefined value presents the possibility to motivate me in a certain direction or in a certain reactionary way. Possibly because it’s not defined or under defined but in any case I still react to that situation or emotion based on the values I have in my heart. It’s a compelling answer to the question “why” and it’s made me make more sense of myself and why I do what I do. Its given me a way of correcting myself and it’s been a big encouragement to me.

I stopped and thought of the most beautiful people in my life and checked my heart. I spent some time thinking if I was a trusting person. Can my wife and children, family and friends rely on me and trust me? Can they trust my actions and activities when we are apart… can they trust my thought life and my plans… can they trust my hopes and dreams for them and myself… can they trust what I say and do?

I’m not through with thinking about the importance of TRUST, I just wanted to share with you where I was with it today and encourage you to ask yourself a few questions I did – “What’s most important to you in life – what are your values – what defines you?” “What makes you react and act the way you do?” “Do you like it?” “What steps do you need to take to define your values?” “What’s for dessert?”

-Todd

Trust Fall Question:

What has stopped you from trusting?

The negative things that have been said to you
The things that have been done to you
What you’ve seen other people go through
Something you can’t explain / it’s just always been there

I’d love to hear in the comments below

Husband, Dad & Grandpa ► Pastor, Life Coach & Organizational Systems Builder ► Known for my ability to raise emotional IQ & positive team culture.

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