The epicenter of revolutionary relationship behavior is a heart that hears. Technique, skill and competencies are vitally important to conversation, crucial in some cases, and necessary for the form and function. However without a heart to hear at an intimate level, what someone is truly saying, that conversation will lack the life that it necessitates.
Hearing is a matchless gift to the one that’s speaking. The hearer, with a heart deeply willing to listen, will create an authentic, judgment free, transformational environment. It’s in this type of environment where lasting change happens. It’s in these conversations where life transition meets hope and is assured of possibility.
When you put yourself out there, expressing loudly through your demeanor and approach: “I value what you’re saying to me, and I’m really listening” you will step into one of the most vulnerable places you will ever step as a human. In that place you’ll watch emotional walls fall right before your eyes. The person speaking will express those things they are truly feeling in a way like never before. Its genuine, it can be emotionally risky – however the rewards are high. The life change is remarkable.
Here are a couple character traits of a heart that hears, that we all should exemplify.
ME – Don’t lose yourself in yourself during their story and begin to think or say things like “Wow that sounds like my life…” OR “That reminds me of a this one time, let me tell you about it…” Let their story stay their story.
BE – The greatest asset you can be to anyone is to allow transformation to happen within you first. It’s through this deep life change that you will be able to recognize and support someone without having to fix him or her. When we try to fix someone or are too quick to give a solution, the opportunity for growth they might miss by finding the solution on their own could hinder future successes. Imagine for a second if the first thing that went through our minds during a conversation was “I’m just going to let this person be” not “wow this person is really broken how can I fix them?”
SEE – Open up and listen. Let go of your agenda and let the person share. Let there be pauses and awkward moments. Relax and see the conversation for what it is – a chance for you to give life back. Chances for you to ask the right questions and to help the person you’re talking with grow and become even cooler.
Remember to talk less – listen more.
Total Talk Training